Insanity in Ireland Begins

It’s January of 2003. I’m back in Dublin. I’m manic. This is my second time around the insanity block. Within Dublin, I live in the neighborhood of Glasnevin. It’s north of the River Liffey, and it’s working class. The Glasnevin cemetery is ominous, beautiful and ever-present. This is Ireland’s national cemetery, and I can see the Celtic cross tombstones outside of my bedroom window. I live with two young nurses from the countryside and an older guy who just finished working in some capacity on a presidential campaign for the Irish political party ‘Fine Gael.’ They lost. He’s bitter. He’s never nice to me. I get along with the nurses, though, until I don’t. That’s my fault.

Here’s the delusional world in which I now live: Yet again, I think I’m the messiah, but it’s different this time. This time I see myself as someone who has deep insight into all of the angles and information necessary to run the world; to become a megalomaniacal overlord. Luckily, however, I have the grace to understand that, even though I could be this god amongst men, Mother Earth can destroy me at any time because her power is unparalleled. I realize that I have to prove my humility. I realize that I have to give up all of my worldly possessions and walk the earth as a homeless beggar.

I begin the purge immediately. I throw all of my clothes and books, save one, onto the front lawn. The book I hold onto is Henry Kissinger’s “Does America Need a Foreign Policy?: Toward a Diplomacy for the 21st Century.” I perceive that this is the neocons’ playbook for orchestrating war for the next 100 hundred years. This book needs to be burned. I stand outside, light it on fire, and hold it above my head. In my mind, the book burn acts as an effigy meant to rid the world of all evil. I let it burn through and through. I am the great arbiter of justice. Next, I strip down to my underwear and begin to walk the earth. It’s January. It’s cold. But I’m steadfast in my resolve to prove my humility to Mother Earth.

My journey begins. Amidst the darkness, I walk the streets of Glasnevin. I look for any signs of life. I look for anybody who might give me food or money or a place to lay my head. This is who I am now. I am going to play the part. I wander aimlessly for I don’t know how long. I encounter nobody. Finally, I come upon an elderly man on an oxygen tank sitting inside next to his window. It’s cracked open. I beg for him to take me in. In my mind, I believe that he is actually contemplating my request. I can’t imagine in reality that that’s the case lol. He proceeds to attempt to close his window. He can’t muster the strength to do so. I close it for him, and I continue onward.

Eventually, as the sun comes up, I see a big house with its front lights on. This must be my sanctuary. However, upon my approach, I become overwhelmed. My mind is racing so fast. My head is full of so much energy. I can’t handle it. All of this is too much. I don’t have the fortitude to fulfill my promise to Mother Earth. I can’t do it. I just can’t do it. I’m in spiritual crisis mode. So what do I do? I take off my underwear. Now I’m completely naked. I lay down on the ground on my stomach. It must be cold, but I don’t feel it. I feel something completely different. I feel like I’m falling into the earth and dying and being reborn without fear. My spiritual crisis has been averted. This is a test. And I pass it.

As I fall into the earth, a man finds me and shakes me. He says, “John, John, John. Are you okay?” That’s what I hear. I can’t imagine he actually knows my name. I don’t respond. I’m in the middle of a transcendent experience. The paramedics are called. They pick me up and wrap me in a blanket. They test my vitals in the ambulance. They talk to me. Who knows what I say. Somehow it’s determined that I was sleepwalking. They don’t take me to the hospital. They take me home. The neighbors are nosy. The roommates are freaked out. This is just the beginning. More to come.

Love,

JFOD

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